Fears and Promises
by Jillcb
Summary: This is the story of Merlin and Will as they grew up in Ealdor together. It is also about the moment that Will learnt about Merlin's magic, and how it affected their friendship. Plenty of hurt/comfort and friendship in this story.


**Fears and Promises **

He felt as if he'd been running for hours. As he collapsed in a heap on the forest floor, he could only see through a blur. Nothing was clear any more he could feel the shadows all gathering around him, as the first of the light began to fade. As he remembered the terrifying incident all he wanted to do was cry.

"I really **am** a monster." he said, out loud, but there was no one else to hear him. He closed his eyes wanting to block out the look of terror his friend Will had thrown his way. As he relived the incident the branch flying through the air, towards Will it was all he could do, not to cry out again.

What must Will think of him now? He could have killed him, what was it about his magic, that at times made it seem so frightening to him? Could it be the suddenness of it arriving? The way it burst out of him like water from a dam? The way he struggled to control it; whenever his emotions were fraught?

As he ran through the questions that were running through his mind, the world around suddenly appeared very cold. Usually this would be his little home from home. A place he could easily connect too, a little paradise away from the big, bad world that sometimes seemed so heartless.

It was bad enough that he feared his magic at times, but at moments like this he realised there was no escaping it. It didn't matter that his mother would hug him, and tell him that he was wrong. At times like these, Merlin knew she was wrong. If he had been able to take a step away, he could maybe have reasoned why he felt this way. But he knew he could not, his magic was always with him, and there was nothing he could do to change that fact.

He sat up hugging his knees together, as he looked around him. It was getting ever darker, but he had no ambition to try and go home. His mother would only try and tell him that things would get better. But Merlin knew they would not. It was then that it hit him in his isolation. It would always be like this. How could he share his magic with anyone? Even in Ealdor he was forced to hide away like an escaped convict with something to hide.

He had been planning to confess all to Will, for he was desperate for one person at least to know the truth. They were close friends now and Merlin hated not being honest with him. Ever since Will had lost his father he had been a shadow of himself. At a time like this they should have been closer, but now he had wrecked it forever. He cursed himself again. The tears began to fall through his fingers, like raindrops from the sky.

He lay his head back on a tree, closing his eyes wishing that just for once he could control his fragile emotions. He felt so out of it, that he didn't hear the footsteps. It was only when two hands took hold of his, that Merlin flung himself upright, his eyes turning a light orange, but this time Will did not run away, and more to the point this time Merlin's magic did not burst out.

"It's all right Merlin." Will said, a small smile on his lips. "I knew something about you was different, not for one moment did I think you were a sorcerer!"

"I am sorry Will." Merlin replied, suddenly needing to explain himself. "I just couldn't help myself, my magic sometimes just bursts out of me with no warning."

"So I see!" Will laughed. "Next time I will be careful what I say."

"It's no joke. I could have killed you." Merlin said, tears in his eyes. "Sometimes I get so afraid Will, more afraid than I've ever been in my life. It is like it control's me. Surely it shouldn't be like that?"

Will looked at him for a second. "I can't give you the answer I'm sorry Merlin. But I swear no one will ever know about your magic from me."

It was then that it suddenly occurred to Merlin, how life changing the incident had become. His mother had forbid him to tell anyone about his gift, but now someone did know. He realised his mother would be horrified. It was not that he didn't trust his friend, but more what his mother would do, on finding out. He knew she would be angry.

"Please Will you must not tell anyone. If my mother knew I don't know what she'd do." Merlin begged, his friend.

"I've already promised you I won't tell anyone. You believe me don't you?" Will asked.

Merlin looked at his friend intently as their eyes locked together he knew his secret would be safe. He nodded, feeling the tears dry up at last.

Will pulled him to his feet a mischievous smile on his face.

"Come on sorcerer." He whispered, "Let's get you back home."

Merlin smiled back, "Thanks Will."


End file.
